Dealing With Bitches When You're Losing Weight
Warning: Adult language.
Please do not read any further if you are offended by adult language.
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A few days ago I overheard a conversation between two women. It took every ounce of restraint to not wedge myself in between them and say what my mind was screaming, but it wasn't my business. Over the years I have learned to stay out of people's business because it never ends well. If I'm asked for an opinion, I'll give it. But I don't usually barge my way into a conversation unless I'm invited. This one was hard to stay out of. Really hard.
I'm going to be perfectly honest here. I had my little girls with me. Had they not been with me, I'm pretty sure I would've opened my mouth. I probably would've regretted it but I'm fairly certain my mouth would've disobeyed my brain and opened anyway. When you can't keep your trap shut and butt into someone's business, you never know what the outcome is going to be. So I couldn't risk things getting heated in front of my girls.
My girls noticed how upset I was by what we were hearing and asked me about it in the car. I used it as a teachable moment and we had a very productive discussion. I think some of the best lessons we can teach our children are ones that come from real-life experiences that they are a part of. They're more powerful and long-lasting than the hypothetical lessons (which still need to be taught). I wanted them to know why mommy was so upset and sad over what we witnessed. I found out that they felt the same way.
Here's what the convo was about. It was between two women, both were very overweight. One of the women said that she had decided she was going to try to get healthy and lose some weight. She said she felt so tired all the time and felt bad about how she looked and she was sick of feeling so 'sad and ugly.'
So do you want to hear what the other woman's response was? With oozing disdain and attitude in her voice, she said, "Why in the hell would you wanna do that? You already have a man."
WHAT? Are you friggin' serious right now? Your friend just tells you that she is sad and hates how she feels about herself. She wants to feel better, have more energy to live her life, and get healthy. And that's what you say to her? That she has a man?
I'm pretty sure she friggin knows that she has a man. And what the hell does a man have to do with a woman wanting to better herself? Is this supposed to mean that as long as you have a man, it's okay to feel like shit? Is it supposed to mean that the only reason a woman would want to lose weight and get healthy is to snag a man?
Is a woman not allowed to feel good about herself for her?
This woman's response, albeit disgustingly insensitive and completely idiotic, is actually NOT what upset me the most. It was the other woman's reaction to the rude response that made my heart hurt.
She immediately looked down as if she'd been shamed and she instantly started changing her tune. She said, "Well ya, I guess you're right. I just wanted to not feel so yucky all the time but I wouldn't know where to start anyway. It was just an idea."
And Bitchface's response to that was, "Ya, a really stupid idea. Quit trying to be someone you're not."
Quit trying to be someone you're not? So being a sad and lost person is who she's supposed to be? Being unhappy, feeling tired and sluggish, and feeling unhealthy and bad about herself is who she's supposed to be? So who isn't she supposed to be? A healthy person? A happy person?
There are no words to describe to you how much this hurt my soul.
As I watched the sad woman cringe and how she was unable to look her friend in the eye, I could feel her sadness and disappointment. I could feel how lost and alone she was. I knew exactly how she felt because I felt that way before my weight loss journey. I stood there looking at the past me and my heart just broke for her.
It made me want to kidnap her, bring her home to my house, and put her through a self-confidence bootcamp... It also made me want to bitch-slap the other woman.
For the past 6 years, my mantra has been women should empower women. This bitch was not only stomping on her friend but then kicking her while she was down. I have a zero tolerance for that shit.
How could you be so callous and cold towards a friend who felt so bad about herself already? I'll tell you how. There's a reason some women are bitches.
When people are caught up in their own darkness, they feel threatened and agitated in the presence of anybody who is rising above their problems.
People who put in the work, find some confidence, and find some happiness often piss off those who can't find the courage to change their own lives.
Now I'm not saying everyone responds in this negative and rude way. There are a lot of people who are unhappy in their own lives yet don't feel resentment towards people who are in a better place. But the ones who do feel that resentment and jealousy, well you need to understand that they are toxic people... and they have no place in your life.
You need to surround yourself with people who will support and love you in all of the stages of who you are, not just when you're as miserable as them.
I think one of the reasons I reacted so strongly to this conversation is that I encountered many 'haters' during my weight loss journey. I didn't experience it right away. I needed to lose over 100 pounds. When I hit the 40 pound weight loss mark, no one even noticed it yet because I was just so obese. It wasn't until I had lost about 70 pounds that I started getting negative reactions from some of the people in my life.
It was beyond painful to realize that people who I thought cared about me all of a sudden started treating me badly or avoided me altogether. Why? Because I was losing weight and getting healthy and happier? So you loved me and wanted to be around me when I was morbidly and dangerously overweight and experiencing many health issues because of it. But now that I'm feeling better, you are annoyed around me and say mean and spiteful things to me? I could not wrap my mind around that and it took me a very long time to heal from that. The true healing came when I finally realized that their behavior towards me and their hurtful words had absolutely nothing to do with me.
It was coming from a place deep within them that was sad and unhappy with themselves. I now reminded them of and represented to them everything that they wanted. I also will mention that the people who had a sudden issue with my new confidence and happiness were overweight. Every single one of them. I must add that I did have many people who said nice things and seemed genuinely happy for me (overweight people too), but those who were the most hurtful were very overweight.
Another reason this affected me on such a deep level is that even at my biggest weight (262 pounds), I never looked at lean or fit people with disdain. In fact I always admired them and wanted to pick their brains. I was especially in awe of busy moms who still found time to exercise and stay healthy. They always seemed so happy. I wanted that too. I never once felt jealous or hateful. I was inspired. I always looked at them and thought that if they could do it then maybe I could too.
I have a huge issue with women who put other women down. Women are amazing creatures. We are strong, emotional warriors who manage the needs and emotions of everyone in our lives. We are fierce protectors of our loved ones yet we also possess a gentle, nurturing energy that provides for all of those in our lives that need it. We are everything to everybody and we make the world go round. We give life, we enrich life. Imagine how much stronger we could be if we stuck together, if we lifted each other up. I wish we could all just recognize the greatness in each other and support each other. But unfortunately, there always seems to be a mean and hurtful bitch around every corner.
Today's society puts so much emphasis on superficial things such as looks, fashion, and material possessions. I realize that this is the world we live in but do we really have to buy into this bullshit? Life is not supposed to be about Hollywood news updates and $65 mascara.
It's about finding your purpose and being grateful for what you have. You can't buy anything on a store shelf that will bring you peace. There's nothing that someone else is wearing or driving that would make you happier. And if you think that, you are wrong. Happiness is an inside job.
If you encounter someone who has found the courage to seek their own happiness, for the love of God, don't be an asshole about it. If you aren't ready to dig deep and grow as a person, live a healthier life, or choose happiness over misery, don't forsake somebody who is.
One last thing. If you confide in a friend and tell them that you want to better yourself in some way and they discourage you, put you down, call you stupid, or roll their eyes, that person isn't a friend worth having. Surround yourself with people who know how amazing you are and who will support you in your endeavors. Let go of those who poison you with negativity.
You don't have to hate them. Don't hold grudges or badmouth them to others. Acknowledge how much pain they are in and wish them well. Hopefully someday they will find the courage that you have found and they'll embark on their own personal journey. Until then, keep a safe distance and be aware that not everyone will be happy for you. And that's okay. The people who truly love you will stick around and be happy for you. The people who you've had to put some distance between may even come back to you in time after they have come to terms with some of their own issues.
Empowering other people doesn't take anything away from you. In fact it makes you shine brighter. Helping others is self-healing. It feels good to know that you may make a difference in someone's life.
Strong women empower women.
Let's build an army of strong, happy, badass women so we can rule this whole damn world!
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*The information on this site is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. All content in this article is for general information purposes only. I am not a doctor, nor am I a dietitian. Talk to your physician before making any changes in your diet or exercise regimen. The information found in this article is from various sources which include, but are not limited to, the sites listed above. I encourage you to do your own research and talk with your physician before making any changes in diet or exercise. What has worked for me may not work for you. This information in this article or on this website should never replace or serve as medical advice.
NEVER DISREGARD PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE OR DELAY SEEKING MEDICAL TREATMENT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU HAVE READ ON OR HAVE ACCESSED THROUGH THIS WEB SITE.
